Concerning My Daughter by Kim Hye-Jin is essentially the story of an elderly mother, who remains nameless throughout the story, and is struggling to grasp the lifestyle and choices of her 30-something daughter, Green.
As an unnamed character, the mother is also a representation of our society as she is unsure of the relationship between two grown women – Lane and Green. Are they colleagues or friends or more? She wonders. She is unwelcoming of this relation but still puts up with it.
As the story progresses, the mother tries hard to come to terms with her daughter’s sexuality. But she is a 70 year old woman, or from another lens, she is a metaphor for a “system” that is so adjusted to the olden ways that it is repulsed by the idea of change. This bygone system of thought which is still finding its place in the modern society is cleverly conveyed by the author through the character of mother.
One of the best parts of the book is – “I am not thinking about what’s coming far off in the future, but what I face now”, as the mother is learning to live with her daughter’s choices. She is ready to make it through the long stretch of tomorrows. The mother, or society is prepared to accept something that is different, or at least beginning to acknowledge its presence. This is where the book ends, on a somewhat happy note. But this is not my favorite section.
Let’s look at the mother as an individual character. Any mother would want her children to do well in life and succeed beyond their expectations, even. In the story, 70-year old mother has a particular idea for a successful life. Her initial idea of settling down is marriage. She is constantly worried about how other people, especially her gossiping colleagues at the home, that how they will perceive her daughter who is sharing bed with a woman – Lane. She wants Green to dump Lane, and instead find a man, get married, raise children and thus contribute to the society. As opposed to living with her ageing and slowly dying mom.
Green has other concerns in life beside marriage. Green has a different idea of contributing to society. She has a different meaning of a perfect life. Green is the type to fight for a cause. Her mother does not understand this, at least initially, but as long there is something or someone to fight for in life, there is a reason worth living for. Is giving birth the only way a woman can contribute to society? Green does not think so. Green is up against the deep rooted prejudice and discrimination in the “system”.
Surprisingly, Green and Lane’s relationship starts to grow on the mother. In the beginning, she was vindictive and opposed to the very idea of two women living together. That is not family. Gradually, the mother questions what family really is? At the home, the mother looks after a demented patient, Jen, who lived her life for others. Jen is childless but does that make her any less worthy than a woman with children? The mother recognizes that the system does not care for people like Jen. She is worried that her daughter is going down the same path.
However, it dawns on the mother that Green is not alone in her fight, as Jen was. As long as Green has the support of her partner Lane, she can conquer any hurdles in her way. Her daughter Green’s unbreakable resolve for justice is so powerful that it spreads across to the mother. The mother grows as a character and decides to do something she never would have thought of doing. For the first time, the mother goes against the “system” without worrying about the consequences. She decides to bring Jen into her home. And this is my favorite part of the book – “Me and my daughter. Jen, whom I brought, and Lane, whom my daughter brought. In the house where the four of us are staying, a cool breeze flows in.” Like mother like daughter. Women supporting women. This is, in my opinion, the turning point of the story.
One more thing to note is that the central theme of the book is love, after all. The mother and daughter’s actions are borne out of love. The mother is concerned for her 30 something daughter, out of love. The daughter is concerned about her colleagues, out of love. To love is to care. Love is what makes them fight for a cause, stand their ground and not lose hope in themselves. In the end, they are both accepting of each other, which I would consider a happy ending.
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